Down at the Honk N’ Gobble

*Edited 11/13/12* Sorry guys, there is a video to go with this post.  When I figure out how to post via Android, I will upload it.  Until then, kinda a pointless post.  :0(  *


Jason was tapping his horn to attempt to get our perennially late child to get in the car. We discovered that each tap of the car horn elicited a response from Major Tom, our Narragansett tom turkey.

Some days, I hate Nature.

I usually love going outdoors and basking in Mother Nature’s wondrous glory.

Today, not so much.

Oh, it all started out well enough. Got home from work, sorted some dirt from our enormous top soil pile (much more on that later), and all was Happy and Good. Then, my kids noticed a big nest of 12 wasps on our storage building. I noticed a smaller wannabe nest of about 2 on the corner of our house. Strange, because they hadn’t congregated there in weeks. There are no physical nests anymore, but I guess pheromones linger on or something, because we have been killing those suckers ALL SUMMER LONG. THEY REFUSE TO LEAVE.

Well, after a weekend of 6 inches of rain, something must have told them it was time to have the Annual Wasp Meet N’ Greet, or something. Jason sprayed the heck out of both groups, and they were all dead.


I had gone inside to get a drink and a bit of a rest. I got up and noticed that we had a full bowl of apple peelings and other tidbits for the chickens, so I grabbed the bowl and LA LA LA went along my merry little way down our front steps.

Then I heard buzzing. Oh, damn it. DAMN! Then I felt something on me. The bowl of chicken food bits went flying on the ground, and suddenly I felt a little stab on my back. Oh hell!

GETITOFFGETITOFFGETTHISDAMNTHINGOOOOOFFFFFFF! Jason started running for me and all I could scream was, “It’s coming off!” aaaaannnnnddddd, I ripped off my shirt. Thank the Lord I was wearing undercarriage underneath, lest I permanently blind my neighbors. Yes, I am doing some sort of wild Hokey Pokey-on-crack grabbing my shoulder and spinning around and then I suddenly am about 45% nekkid. Luckily, we are pretty far from everyone else’s house, but I didn’t care then and do not care now what was seen or not seen or whatever. I just know when I shimmied out of my top I heard a buzzing right in my face and ran into the house.

Yes, it does hurt. Feels like a constant pinch and throb and it’s been about an hour and a half. All I can say is that every red wasp I see from now on is toast. Beneficial or not, I’ll pick off my own hornworms, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I have no clue what’s with me, insect stings and getting nekkid, but I can tell you when this girl gets stung, the likelihood of you seeing some skin are moderately high. This is probably why I am very likely to always wear undergarments.

Not a fan of the natural world today. Ask me again in 72 hours.