Have You Been Injured in a Vacuum Accident? You May be Entitled to Compensation.

In life, I have learned that there are some things you should never do.

Never wear white when you eat chocolate. Never wear anything with fringe when you’re on your period. Never eat a “floorboard burrito” (just ask my husband about that). Never roller-skate in a buffalo herd.

But today, I learned a new one: Never wear a skirt to a car wash.

It all started out okay. I went to the new car wash in town, Tidal Wave, because my car was gross. It was far beyond the point of my personal dirt level tolerance and looked like I had a semi-permanent garage sale set up in the back half. They happened to be running a special where you get a month of car washes for the same price as one and I happily took the bait. I always like car washes that do the manual pre-wash before you go through the automatic part and Tidal Wave does that. The auto wash went great and at the end there are those giant air blowers that make you feel like you’re in the middle of a tornado minus the debris. Frankly, I couldn’t believe that my windshield wipers or, for that matter, my windshield itself stayed intact. Yet it did, and I drove over to the vacuum area with a clean (and undamaged) car.

This place provides little towels and glass spray, two kinds of vacuums, and a compressed air blower. I wiped down the exterior and then it was time to vacuum. I had to load up the passenger seats with old mail, six bags of graduation party supplies, a gallon jug of water that is mostly empty, two containers of baby wipes, a Mother Earth News magazine from 1994, and 9,000 random shopping bags because they are very “good for the planet”. I removed the crevice tool vacuum and got done with the front floorboard. Then I realized I needed to step over the hose so I didn’t trip myself and SWWWWOOOOOOOP! I put the vacuum too close to the back of my leg and it sucked up a third of my skirt. Slightly annoyed, not to mention disgusted, I ripped my skirt out of the vacuum and turned, only to find that when I did I had gotten too close to my shirt and SWWWWOOOOOP! there went half of my shirt and about 18 percent of my right boob. As I furiously wrestled with the hose and attachment, I finally freed myself and prayed silently that no one at the nearby red light had gotten a video of me as I was being attacked by an industrial sized Hoover on steroids.

As I continued my cleaning, I managed to suck up the following, in no particular order:

A black straw of unknown origin
Three guava candies
A long-lost can of mixed nuts
A Splenda packet
A crispy wasp who presumptively died of heat stroke
A packet of Taco Bell sauce (hot)
My right boob

The last item listed fell victim to the vacuum because I was attempting to climb up in the back hatch all side-saddle style since I didn’t care to flash half the town if my skirt happened to ride up. I can’t tell you how thrilling it was to try and hang on to a 15 ft long hose with enough suction to rip off my bumper while trying to keep my skirt down AND sliding up sideways into my car, using one buttock at a time. And then, despite me being extremely careful, being viciously attacked on the other side of my chest while trying not to make a scene.

Despite the slight bruising (not my chest…I mean my pride), all in all, I still give the place 5 out of 5 stars. And you can bet your sweet little buttons that next time I go, my skirts will be at home on their hangers. When I got back home and did a little online reading, they do advertise their vacuums as being “high-powered” and buddy, you’d best believe it. We, as a family, know exactly how dangerous vacuums really are. After all, my husband almost lost his vision in a late-night incident with a rogue Bissell a few years back, but that’s a story for another day. Meanwhile, please do yourself a favor and dress appropriately for car washes.

Too bad that breastplates aren’t still in fashion.

Closed Casket, Open Buffet

One day, Jason said out of nowhere, “If I’m ever terminal, do you know what I want to do?”

I turned my head to look at him and wondered what it could be. A cross-country trip? Visiting ancient ruins? Throwing a huge party? Whatever it was, I was sure his last moments on earth would be spent with the ones he cherished the most.

“I want to travel across America and eat at every buffet I can find.”

Enter: The sad trombone sound. Enter: Crashing cymbals. Enter: My stare of shock that only a wife of many years can give.

As he was daydreaming of weeks of never-ending buffets, I was thinking how our familial unit had just been usurped by chicken fried steaks, mashed taters, and cream gravy. I knew the man loved his food, but I didn’t realize exactly how much until that moment.

And that, friends, brings me to this post.

Part One: I Take Thee, Buffet Plate, To Have and To Hold…

There is this place. A very magical place that sits at the intersection of Highway 84 and Interstate 45 in a little town called Fairfield, Texas. It is home to a restaurant called Sam’s Original Restaurant & BBQ. It also houses the longest buffet bar that I’ve ever seen in my life. The impressive length of the buffet, however, pales in comparison to the quality and sheer amount of the food that is contained within its copious collections of steam trays and canisters. On any given day, you have the choice of at least six main entrees, and this isn’t including the sides (at least five) or the immense salad and soup bar. There is also a heated table just for the cobblers and a chiller just for the pie slices.

We discovered Sam’s by complete accident a few years ago when we met a woman in Fairfield who adopted a foster kitten we had. By the time we made it to I-45, we were all very hangry and I desperately searched Google for a restaurant. Sam’s came up on top and it was listed as a “buffet restaurant”. Now although I grew up in the time of restaurant buffet dominance (think: 1980s-1990s Golden Corral, Jason’s Deli salad bar, Ryan’s, Pizza Hut, Chinese buffets, and the like), I also was around when buffets fell from grace. And boy, some of them fell really hard, and for good reasons. So I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a slight sneer on my face when I found Sam’s. Still…thousands of four and five star reviews? The hanger won. To Sam’s we went.

The interior of the restaurant is a little bit Cracker Barrel (there is a cute gift area up front) and an old school buffet. The floors are carpeted, the tables and chairs are wooden. It has a very vintage feel about it. I’m pretty sure that the steam table for the cobblers has hit its 30th birthday. All that aside, it was extremely clean. Waitstaff buzzed around like bees on a warm day. We were seated and within five minutes, we had our drinks and a loaf of homemade bread with butter. I don’t remember what we had that visit, but I do remember what happened later that day.

I need to tell you that Fairfield is a little less than an hour and a half away from our house, so it’s not like a short hop, jump, and skip down the road. After we had gotten home that afternoon and took our daughter to her grandparent’s house, we had a few hours to ourselves. The day wore on and upon the cusp of evening, we found ourselves hungry again.

I said, “You know what sounds really good right now?”

Jason looked at me and he knew just what I was going to say.

“SAM’S!” we both shouted in unison.

Yes. We were the weirdos that drove to the same restaurant, an hour and a half away, twice in a single day. Thank God by then the lunchtime waitstaff had gone home, so we wouldn’t be recognized.

Part Two: To Love and To Cherish

Visiting Sam’s became was now a semi-sacred thing. It was too far to visit with any great frequency (my pants appreciate that fact very much). The inconvenience made it become a *Very Special Place* that we only went to on *Very Special Occasions*. Just like the other day after we went on a three hour hike. Nothing to celebrate a day-long, healthy and fitness packed adventure like ending up in a place guaranteed to put you in a caloric coma.

Yes, we made the trip yet again and all of us were silently dreaming of what we’d be stacking on our plates. This time, I got pictures!

Tonight’s entrees: Chicken Fried Steak, BBQ brisket, fried chicken, tacos, cheese or beef enchiladas, and pozole…I think.

Close up of the homemade mashed taters, CFS, pepper cream gravy, BBQ sauce, and brisket.

The salad bar was hit hard, but this was right before the refill.

And let’s not forget the complimentary homemade bread!

Now just to finish off with a piece of pie!

After you roll yourself away from the food, there’s another room with gifts and a lot of “this n’ thats”. Socks! Stickers! Retro toys! Pajamas! There’s something for everyone. My particular favorite was the shiitake socks:

And last of all, should you need to recharge your EV Porsche, Sam’s can help with that, too!

On the way home, we mostly rode in silence due to the fact that we had completely overstuffed ourselves and had to keep our mouths shut to hold everything in. Somewhere about ten miles from home, Jason suddenly spoke up.

“I was just thinking about that huge pan of mashed potatoes.”

Crickets from the rest of the car’s passengers.

“And then that huge pan of gravy to go with it! I mean…I would take a boat and drive around that pan of gravy. And what if you made a canoe out of a potato wedge? I’d row around it all day. Better yet, I’ll make skis out of french fries and when they got soggy, you could just eat them.”

I just said, “I think you might need therapy.”

Part Three: ‘Til Death do us Part

After our semi-annual pilgrimage some days later, I heard about a man who, as a part of his funeral arrangements, had requested that his visitation be held at a local diner. I thought it was pretty funny so I told Jason about it and his eyes lit up.

“That’s what I’m gonna do! I’m going to set aside money so everyone can go eat at Sam’s in my memory!”

I stared at him in silence. He went on.

“But make sure everyone gets an extra helping of mashed potatoes and gravy for me, and make sure you get a picture.” He sighed and looked into the distance.

“You know, I love that place more than anything.”

My eyes were now semi-bulging from their sockets when he turned and looked at me.

“Besides you, of course!”

Well thank heavens for that.

Won’t you take me down…to WooWoo Town

“Are you here for the reading?”

After a particularly odd* dining experience, I had strolled down the street into a cute little shop, half antiques and half bookstore, to clear my thoughts and try and salvage the rest of the evening. The store was mostly empty, and I heard a woman talking softly when the proprietor approached me and half-whispered the question.

I had to blink a few times before I stammered, “N-n-no. Like a book reading?” I will mention right here that I have a strange and strong penchant for being present in awkward moments. I’m the wrong person appearing at the wrong time in the wrong place. Had I walked right into an author’s live book reading? What if you were supposed to sign up for this? Was there a room full of people staring at me for sashaying right into their sacred moment alone with an author? Even worse, was this a paid for event that you had to register for???

The owner smiled and replied, “Oh no! Not a book reading; we have someone reading tarot cards for customers. If you’d like, I’ll add you to the list. I think she’s almost finished with this client.”

Well leave it to me to find the unexpected on a Friday evening. I had to consider the offer for a few moments. I am officially in the “Why The Hell Not” phase of life and decided I shouldn’t pass up such an opportunity. Jason was waiting in the car and I called him to let him know I’d be a few minutes. He’s already used to me making new acquaintances wherever we go, talking far too long, and getting into weird situations.

The lady finished her reading and I was ushered to her table, set up behind a rack of t-shirts. She had a pleasant and approachable manner and honestly looked like anyone else. In other words, contrary to what I learned about tarot readers/fortune tellers on Scooby-Doo, she was not wearing a headscarf, big gold hoop earrings, and layers of silk shawls. Nor did she have a crystal ball, which was only a slight disappointment.

She asked me to choose a deck and there were several to select from. I picked one with Art Nouveau images and gilded edges. She then asked me to shuffle the deck as many times as I wanted to. Three is my favorite number, so that’s what I went with. Next, she asked if there was any issue or area I wanted to focus on, or just do a general reading. I stayed with the general category. After a brief pause, she dealt the cards in a spread called Celtic Cross. Some of the cards were reversed (upside down), but most were right side up. She was quick to explain what each card position meant and also that readings only offer insight and can help you make decisions in life. There was no “You will win the lotto on April 5th, 2045” or “You should avoid eating rainbow sprinkled donuts while riding on a scooter on September 15th, 2031” or anything like that.

As she touched the cards, she talked about the symbolism of the image on the card and how it might relate to my life. Then she made comments or suggestions to deepen the meanings, such as: “When you make a decision, even if it’s coming from a difficult place, always be sure to come at it with a positive energy.” and “I can see you are focusing on your health, and it’s very important to you.” A couple of cards needed further explanation, so she asked if I was okay to draw additional cards. This led to drawing four more cards surrounding the card in question. Two were reversed and two were upright. This was interesting to watch and I wish I had the photographic memory like my husband and daughter have, but I do not. I only remember bits and pieces. When we came to the future part of the spread, she said she tells people this is for the next couple of years only, it isn’t written in stone, and it’s only meant as suggestions/guidance you can take, if you so choose.

However, this section of the reading led to a funny (to me) ending and I’m glad I did it. Would I do it again? Sure. I feel like I’m set for a couple of years after that read, though. The entire experience was positive and uplifting. I would say that it was very accurate for my life and it was fun and insightful to do. I walked away from it feeling better and pleasantly optimistic, too.

You never know what will happen on a random Friday in March at a bookstore! Just another tale to add to my ever-growing collection.

*I want to say “particularly peculiar” because of my love of alliteration, but we’ll go with “odd”.

Recipe Novels Need to Die

Several years ago, I wrote about a very first world problem that has, sadly, only grown far, far worse.

Let’s see if any of this sounds familiar. It’s late afternoon and after a long day of spinning plates, juggling chainsaws and running your own personal mini-circus, you realize that you’d better figure out something to eat before you start gnawing on your own hands, faint with hunger.

Let’s say you want to make lentil soup, so you type “Lentil soup” into the search bar and up pops several beautiful soup pictures accompanied by hundreds of five star reviews. You click on the best looking one and here it comes.

First, there’s a catchy title like: “The Very Best Super Easy Amazingly Delicious Lentil Soup”. Great, that’s fine. That’s followed by a paragraph about how delicious and amazing and easy this soup is. One would assume the recipe would follow.

No. You’d think, but no.

The introductory paragraph is followed by a lengthy and personal story on the origins of said recipe or perhaps how the author feels about this particular lentil recipe. This is followed by more paragraphs on what exactly a lentil IS, where they are grown, when they were domesticated, lentil varieties, the full nutritional profile of a lentil, how lentils can be prepared, where to buy lentils, variations on the ingredients, variations on how to cook the soup, what an Instant Pot is, the best pot to prepare the soup in….you get the idea. Then you get a fully photographed series on each and every step of making the soup, and then…only THEN do you reach the actual recipe. Thank God for the “Jump to Recipe” button. Whoever invented that should be sainted.

This reminds me of the Alamo scene in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure where Pee-Wee finally makes it to the Alamo to look for his beloved stolen bicycle. He was told that his bike is in the basement of the Alamo, so he buys a ticket for the tour. The effervescent and irrepressible tour guide, Tina, (played by Jan Hooks) goes into a description of the Alamo as a visibly impatient Pee-Wee attempts to contain his anxiety as they view different rooms. But the gem…the ABSOLUTE GEM of a line is when they make it to the kitchen where Tina begins to talk about corn. The line is “There are thousands and THOUSANDS of uses for corn, all of which I will tell you about right now!”

And here is where Pee-Wee Herman and I merge into one being. The absolute annoyance, irritation, and dare I say disgust at having to wait for what we came for is very real. Pee-Wee just wanted to see the freaking basement. He didn’t want to hear twenty thousand ways to prepare corn. I just want to see a recipe before I give up and decide to eat a stale bag of Cheerios that have somehow been around, opened, since Halloween. (It’s March.)

I honestly thought this trend would slowly fade away but it’s only gotten much worse, especially with the rise of AI use in blogging. Am I the only one who can sniff out an AI written/assisted blog? It’s like that robotic woman’s voice that was so popular on memes a few years back. It’s human-esque, but creepy and…insincere.

I want to start a trend. Let’s get back to online recipe simplicity. Post a nice picture or two, a few sentences, and get that recipe back to the top, where it belongs!

I hereby declare war on the recipe novels!

End note: Many, many thanks to the awesome soul who created the above image!

Caterpillar Village

(Note: I began this post in 2021. For some reason, I never finished it. Well, caterpillar season is almost here, so I thought it would be a great time to get this thing published. -A., March 2024)

Today was a banner day for finding caterpillars. It was overcast all day today so the ‘pillars were easy to spot and also pretty darn active.

The first one I saw was big! It was over three inches long. After looking online, I believe it’s the caterpillar of the White Lined Sphinx moth, Hyles lineata. At this size, they are ready to burrow underground to pupate. Interestingly, there are many different color morphs of these caterpillars, so my caterpillar may not look like yours at all, colorwise. They can also be quite black.

The next caterpillar was found on my toadflax plants. They are wildflowers here and one year I discovered that there were all of these little caterpillars munching away on them. I had to identify them and found they the Common Buckeye, Junonia coenia, a truly beautiful butterfly.

As I was looking at the Buckeyes, I found another caterpillar I hadn’t seen before. This was a Tobacco Budworm, Heliothis virescens. True to its name, it was eating the buds of a toadflax. I think I’ll go pick him off later. I don’t need anything eating my buds or flowers. At least not this one. These caterpillars tend to take on the color of the plant they are eating on, so again, this one may look different from one you find.

Next we move onto some more annoying agricultural pests. These feed on cole crops, like broccoli, cabbage, kale, bok choi, etc. First up, the Cabbage Looper, Trichoplusia ni . Ugh. They have tiny little heads but eat like they are the size of an elephant. Gahhhhhh, these drive me crazy. Please note the tiny, wasp-like thing. I have no idea what it is but 3 years after taking this picture, I just now noticed it!

Now let’s go to my other enemy, the Cross-Striped Cabbageworm, Evergestis rimosalis…This one is just as destructive and there are usually far more of them found together than the Looper. They are the worst! However, I use a Bt (Bacillus thuringiensis) spray by Monterey that works wonders. You can also use a spray containing spinosad, but I haven’t tried this. The absolute SECOND you see holes in your crops, spray it down! You’ll be able to keep things like kale even throughout our horrible Texas summers if you do (unless the drought gets them of course. At least it won’t be caterpillars!).

Now the next one is what I’m pretty sure is a Saltmarsh moth (Estigmene acrea) but I’m not positive. That year, we have a ton of them crawling all over the roads. They come in just about every color, so it makes it harder for me to identify.

Last of all, we have a freshly molted mystery caterpillar. I think it may be a Yellow Bear AKA Virginian Tiger Moth (Spilosoma virginica). What do you think?

Thanks for taking the 2021 tour of the Caterpillar Village with me! I hope it helps you to identify some of your caterpillars this year. If you are a book-a-holic like me and you need more caterpillar ID in your life, I can’t recommend the book Caterpillars of Eastern North America by David L. Wagner enough. I use this guide every single year. It is for species east of the 100th meridian (see below):

Otherwise, I use Google Lens through my camera app on my phone, but it’s iffy in some cases so I just go home and refer to my book. That’s Gen X for ya!

Now to see what the 2024 ‘pillar season will bring!

It’s in the bag! Or maybe it’s not.

Well, the cold in Texas has gone away for this week, but it has been replaced with rain amounts that necessitate any kind of local travel to be taken in a boat. We’ve gotten over eight inches of rain in three days. Where the hell is that in August? But moving on…

As I mentioned in my last post, due to the extreme cold a week ago, I took to sleeping in a sleeping bag. I unexpectedly discovered that I actually liked it. It’s like being in a snuggly little cocoon and I never get cold. However, I did find that it’s not without negatives.

First off, absolutely don’t eat any kind of food that causes any type of gastric distress and secondly, you must remember that you are in a sleeping bag, and not under sheets. I had the bright idea (not really) of getting in my sleeping bag while on top of our definitely-taller-than-I-remember bed. All was well for the first several hours, until I was awakened by our budgie peeping his head off and I tried to get out of bed, forgetting that my legs (and body and arms) were well-encased in an enclosed nylon sack. In one quick second, powered by nylon’s amazing “slide-i-ness” property, my entire body shot off the side of the bed like a just-popped champagne cork. I landed on the floor with a sound that could have been best described as “the ceiling collapsing and falling on the floor” (at least, that’s what my husband said). My knee and upper thigh took the full impact and somehow my knee was perfectly skinned even though I landed on a rug wearing a long pair of flannel pants and still wrapped in my bag.

Fortunately, I pretty much only bruised my pride and other than the skinned knee, I was fine. I wish I could say that I learned my lesson, but I still craved sleeping in my bag and tried it on the bed again a few days later.

Some people never learn.

Here’s our hottest piece in the 2024 Late Winter Collection! This gorgeous ensemble is available in two color combinations: Leaden Skies/Frozen Eggplant and Glacial Pool/Frostbitten. You’ll be sure to be the talk of the town when you flaunt this sassy number! Pairs well with woolen socks or Uggs.

It’s Colder Than A…

Welcome to January in Texas, where it’s 70 degrees on a Saturday and 18 on a Monday. A magical and wonderful place where there were bell peppers growing up until this past week and today it looks like a frozen tundra. It’s supposed to be a blistering -1 with the wind chill tonight. I don’t mind it getting cold, but negative digits? Even temps in the teens are rare here, thank God, or at least they WERE up until 2021. Now we’ve seen them almost every year since. Anyhow, I’m now laid up on the couch, swaddled in sherpa, flannel, microfleece, and F-Uggs (fake Uggs). Last night I decided to play “camp out” and sleep in our living room. I got into camping equipment a few years back and decided to break it out and give it a trial run.

If you’ve ever tried sleeping on an air mattress in cooler weather, you will have quickly learned that it will suck the heat right out of your body like a straw. So, for this experiment, I tried out my Klymit Double V sleeping air pad (see pic below)

and combined it with some camping quilts from Sam’s and a Kelty Mistral 20 degree women’s sleeping bag. I also got to try out my Flextail Ultra mini air pump that I bought in December of 2022 when I was in a flu-induced semi-psychotic state while laying in the sun on our front porch floorboards. Note to self: Disable my Amazon account when I have a fever of 102 degrees or more. I cannot be held responsible for purchases made under these conditions.

Anyway, the good news is that everything performed beautifully and I wouldn’t hesitate to take all of stuff on a chilly camping expedition. Now for the bad news…

If you’ve lived in Texas for any time at all, you will come across cowboy wisdom-isms…usually on a t-shirt or some sort of decorative wall plaque or magnet. One of those sayings is “Don’t squat with yer spurs on.” And after last night, I have another. “Don’t sleep in a sleeping bag after you have eaten two bowls of broccoli soup.” Please trust me on this. You do NOT wanna do this to yourself or to the ones you love.

Let’s chat about more pleasant things, though. Though this season is fairly blah in the garden and outdoors, there are still beautiful things around. One of the best things is firewood, and a heck of a lot of it. We brought up a lot for this storm and put it on the porch. Side note: Jason and I made grapevine wreaths and swags this spring, and then I gathered the yarrow you see here and made this wreath. You can’t tell, but it’s painted a deep gold with some gold glitter.

Purty Thangs:

So what grows in the garden in early January? Well, a lot, actually. Here is some Waltham broccoli (transgressor!!!). I won’t be planting it again. Not due to its effects, but because it didn’t form very good heads. I’ll go back to Packman if I can find it.

In this bed, which my daughter grew, we have Japanese red giant mustard greens, curled kale, snow peas, Dutch cabbage and Swiss chard.

Here’s one I haven’t tried yet: savoy cabbage. If it survives this stint in the deep freeze, I can’t wait to try it!

Here’s a closer look at that red mustard! It’s so pretty in the garden.

Next are some Asian greens that have just decided to replant themselves. I think it’s Chijimasai greens from Baker Creek, but they could be hybridized by now. Either way, they are delicious and laugh off the cold weather.

Last peppers of the season! It was a terrible drought year in ’23, so I wasn’t surprised that the peppers kinda sucked for fall/winter. Usually I get TONS in November and early December. Oh well. I am excited about the persimmons, too. They are delicious and seedless! Hachiya…that’s the variety.

Last of all was a view from today at our local lake. Anyone fancy a Polar Plunge?

Now, dear readers, it’s time for me to feed the fire and finish up dinner. One item which will definitely NOT be on the menu tonight is what I’m now dubbing “Toot Soup”. It was an experimental concoction that I dare not repeat.

I’m hoping that you all are staying warm, friends!

January Blog Challenge

Daily writing prompt

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

View all responses

For the month of January, WordPress does a blogging challenge called “Bloganuary”. That word congeals in my mouth like old gross milk. Some words just don’t flow and shouldn’t be combined, BUT I’ll play along since I’m so terribly rusty on my writing.

As a kid, I loved stuffed animals. Memorable ones included Jake the snake (a 12 foot long green snake that I curled up in a circle and sat in), a Pink Panther rocker chair thing, a Ganz Wrinkles bloodhound puppet (see pic…I am positive I had this exact one), a Teddy Ruxpin, and many more. But my all time favorite was my giraffe that I had since I was a baby.

Not exactly cute, not exactly ugly…I had one of these Wrinkles dogs by Ganz.

He was made of a nubbly yellow material and had tiny brown felt nostrils and a brown cotton mane and twisted cotton tail. His eyes were black plastic. His ossicones (horn-like protrusions) were made of brown felt. I will never forget the fateful day I took him to preschool for show and tell and the teacher took him and was demonstrating how giraffes drink water. When she did so, she shoved his neck down which causes his poor little stuffed giraffe legs to splay out at 90 degree angles. I was absolutely horrified and I swear that the legs never were the same since; the front two had creases that always made him sit wonky. I don’t think I ever took anything to show and tell again.

As far as what happened to my giraffe, when I was in my 20s, my childhood home caught on fire and partially burned. The giraffe was in a glass case where we kept some memorabilia and he was perfectly fine. I took him out and to the kitchen where I sat him on a counter. Due to my ADD and all of the hubbub going on in the house, I forgot to put him in my car. I never saw him again, so I am sure he got thrown away. I know a little stuffed giraffe meant nothing to anyone else, but he did mean something to me. Then again, life goes on, and what would I really do with him now other than keep him in a box so my kids can throw him away when I die?

Even so, I still miss him for reasons unknown.

Random Shower Thoughts

Several months ago, I bought a set of soaps at TJ Maxx. Two of the bars were pretty plain; goat’s milk and honey or something similar. The third bar was chock full of chia seeds. I thought it an odd choice, but stuck it in the shower anyway. I regretted that decision almost immediately.

In the past, I’d already banned dark colored soap bars. I found no pleasure in having a shower stall that ended up looking dirtier when I got out than when I’d gotten in, nor scrubbing off charcoal-laced smears and bits that always managed to make their way to every possible surface of our shower curtain and walls. I’d banned bars with coffee grounds and oatmeal bits. After all, I was just trying to lather up my skin, not remove it with tiny, insidious, knife-like particles of things I’d much rather consume for breakfast.

However, chia soap took the freaking cake.

If you are at all familiar with chia seeds, either by once owning a (Ch-ch-ch) Chia Pet or consuming them in your diet, you will know that when you add water to the tiny seeds, something weird and miraculous happens. They turn from a plain little dry seed into a gluey and strange concoction that sticks to any surface it touches. Knowing this, please tell me why the soap makers of the world would ever entertain the idea of adding chia into their bars?

Here’s what went down when I used the chia bar: First couple of uses, no issues. The seeds were well below the surface of the bar. Next use: I unleashed the Kraken of soap additives and found chia seeds EVERYWHERE. They were embedded in my wash rag, the curtain, the walls of the shower, the soap dish, the floor, etc. I need to also add that they look suspiciously like seed ticks which only made the situation more horrific.

Because I am a well-established member of Overthinkers Anonymous, I began to wonder…Will the seeds sprout? When I come back tomorrow, will I have a baby chia plant in my rag? Our shower drain? Even worse yet, WHAT IF a sticky, gluey chia became lodged in a crevice somewhere on my own person and I didn’t know it? I can see it now…

INT. LOCAL HOSPITAL – DAY

My husband waits nervously in an ER waiting room. It is storming outside and he is pensive and silent as he watches the rain coming down. Doctor enters and escorts him to an empty room.

DOCTOR (apologetically): I am so sorry. We did everything we could do for your wife, but it just wasn’t enough.

HUSBAND (weeping): My God! What was it? A stroke? Heart attack? Aneurysm?

DOCTOR (avoiding eye contact): I…I’m afraid it was…Well, we’ve never seen this before…(cough nervously). I’m afraid that she succumbed to septic shock due to a, er, chia seed that was somehow lodged in her urethra. Again, I’m so sorry. Please accept my condolences.

Here, soap opera organ music fades in and then we–

FADE OUT.

Needless to say, after that played through my mind, I chucked the chia bar in the trash. Never again!

In the future, I’ll be sure to be much more careful when I choose soap bars, and I’ll keep the ch-ch-ch-chia seeds confined to sprouting or smoothies, right where they belong, and far far away from my naughty bits.

Welcome to 2024!

It’s already the new year; can you believe it? It’s been fifteen years since my first post! I was so excited to be here, in the country with plenty of room to spare and a passel of baby chicks on the way. However, I was a little less excited about the cold house, but I’m happy to say that after fifteen years and thousands of dollars in renovations, insulation, and upgrades, our house is still cold in the winter. That’s okay! I am still loving living “out here”. I have discovered wool socks and invested in a woodstove.

When my WordPress account came up for renewal, I thought about just letting it go back to a free account and not worrying with it. I have never written as much as I’d like. But dang it, I LOVE to write! I enjoy making posts and hearing from readers. I like to share pictures and stories and document our stay on the farm.

Every New Year’s Day, I try to choose a special word to represent the year. Last year, I attempted “Extraordinary” and I defintely do NOT recommend that one…The year started off so weird and funky that I abandoned it by the first of February. For 2024, I have chosen “Consistency”. If I described myself, the word “consistent” would not make the first 100 adjectives I’d use. Maybe even the top 300. I have a very well-developed self-destruct button. After 40+ year of self-sabotaging, I’m over it. I’m ready to do something different.

Thank you so much for sticking around, readers! I truly appreciate y’all and always enjoy hearing from you.

One last thing: I started a YouTube channel in 2023 called My Little Country. I like to share tips, gardening videos, recipes, and lots more. This year, I am going to put out more videos as soon as I fix my phone storage issues. Free advice: Always go with more storage if you have the choice!

Here’s to 2024!!! Wishing you the very best.