Apparently a “new normal” to me is to wake up at 4:45 am. It’s definitely strange coming from a person who could easily sleep ten hours and still feel that it wasn’t enough. But…I’ll take it. I have always wanted to be a morning person. People who really get stuff done tend to be early risers, so if my weird perimenopausal hormones have decided that 4:45 am is now a thing, so be it.
Anyhow, I woke up at the crack of 4:45 this morning and decided I was going to write a blog post since I haven’t posted a thing since…well, whenever that was. I got my old Paleolithic era laptop and crank started it turned it on. It’s a Chromebook, so it asked for my Google password straight off the bat. Well, I had been through this before; a month ago to be exact. I couldn’t remember my password. At ALL. Surely there was a way to sign in for people who forget their passwords, make another password and then forgets THAT password immediately. And yes, I do write down my passwords but it is in an inconvenient place at 5 am, and I refuse to be inconvenienced before 10 am. I tried for fifteen minutes to see if I could “see” it somewhere, but no. You have to make ANOTHER password, which was the very last thing I wanted to do, but I was forced into it. I won’t tell you what it is, but it was created in anger and hormonal rage.
I am sure to forget it by tomorrow.
Here I sit, forty minutes later, inconvenienced, frustrated, and angry that I had to create another forgettable password and I can’t even remember the story I came here to write about.
So far, getting up early hasn’t lead to increased productivity. I will report back soon.
In life, I have learned that there are some things you should never do.
Never wear white when you eat chocolate. Never wear anything with fringe when you’re on your period. Never eat a “floorboard burrito” (just ask my husband about that). Never roller-skate in a buffalo herd.
But today, I learned a new one: Never wear a skirt to a car wash.
It all started out okay. I went to the new car wash in town, Tidal Wave, because my car was gross. It was far beyond the point of my personal dirt level tolerance and looked like I had a semi-permanent garage sale set up in the back half. They happened to be running a special where you get a month of car washes for the same price as one and I happily took the bait. I always like car washes that do the manual pre-wash before you go through the automatic part and Tidal Wave does that. The auto wash went great and at the end there are those giant air blowers that make you feel like you’re in the middle of a tornado minus the debris. Frankly, I couldn’t believe that my windshield wipers or, for that matter, my windshield itself stayed intact. Yet it did, and I drove over to the vacuum area with a clean (and undamaged) car.
This place provides little towels and glass spray, two kinds of vacuums, and a compressed air blower. I wiped down the exterior and then it was time to vacuum. I had to load up the passenger seats with old mail, six bags of graduation party supplies, a gallon jug of water that is mostly empty, two containers of baby wipes, a Mother Earth News magazine from 1994, and 9,000 random shopping bags because they are very “good for the planet”. I removed the crevice tool vacuum and got done with the front floorboard. Then I realized I needed to step over the hose so I didn’t trip myself and SWWWWOOOOOOOP! I put the vacuum too close to the back of my leg and it sucked up a third of my skirt. Slightly annoyed, not to mention disgusted, I ripped my skirt out of the vacuum and turned, only to find that when I did I had gotten too close to my shirt and SWWWWOOOOOP! there went half of my shirt and about 18 percent of my right boob. As I furiously wrestled with the hose and attachment, I finally freed myself and prayed silently that no one at the nearby red light had gotten a video of me as I was being attacked by an industrial sized Hoover on steroids.
As I continued my cleaning, I managed to suck up the following, in no particular order:
A black straw of unknown origin
Three guava candies
A long-lost can of mixed nuts
A Splenda packet
A crispy wasp who presumptively died of heat stroke
A packet of Taco Bell sauce (hot)
My right boob
The last item listed fell victim to the vacuum because I was attempting to climb up in the back hatch all side-saddle style since I didn’t care to flash half the town if my skirt happened to ride up. I can’t tell you how thrilling it was to try and hang on to a 15 ft long hose with enough suction to rip off my bumper while trying to keep my skirt down AND sliding up sideways into my car, using one buttock at a time. And then, despite me being extremely careful, being viciously attacked on the other side of my chest while trying not to make a scene.
Despite the slight bruising (not my chest…I mean my pride), all in all, I still give the place 5 out of 5 stars. And you can bet your sweet little buttons that next time I go, my skirts will be at home on their hangers. When I got back home and did a little online reading, they do advertise their vacuums as being “high-powered” and buddy, you’d best believe it. We, as a family, know exactly how dangerous vacuums really are. After all, my husband almost lost his vision in a late-night incident with a rogue Bissell a few years back, but that’s a story for another day. Meanwhile, please do yourself a favor and dress appropriately for car washes.
Too bad that breastplates aren’t still in fashion.
Welcome to January in Texas, where it’s 70 degrees on a Saturday and 18 on a Monday. A magical and wonderful place where there were bell peppers growing up until this past week and today it looks like a frozen tundra. It’s supposed to be a blistering -1 with the wind chill tonight. I don’t mind it getting cold, but negative digits? Even temps in the teens are rare here, thank God, or at least they WERE up until 2021. Now we’ve seen them almost every year since. Anyhow, I’m now laid up on the couch, swaddled in sherpa, flannel, microfleece, and F-Uggs (fake Uggs). Last night I decided to play “camp out” and sleep in our living room. I got into camping equipment a few years back and decided to break it out and give it a trial run.
If you’ve ever tried sleeping on an air mattress in cooler weather, you will have quickly learned that it will suck the heat right out of your body like a straw. So, for this experiment, I tried out my Klymit Double V sleeping air pad (see pic below)
and combined it with some camping quilts from Sam’s and a Kelty Mistral 20 degree women’s sleeping bag. I also got to try out my Flextail Ultra mini air pump that I bought in December of 2022 when I was in a flu-induced semi-psychotic state while laying in the sun on our front porch floorboards. Note to self: Disable my Amazon account when I have a fever of 102 degrees or more. I cannot be held responsible for purchases made under these conditions.
Anyway, the good news is that everything performed beautifully and I wouldn’t hesitate to take all of stuff on a chilly camping expedition. Now for the bad news…
If you’ve lived in Texas for any time at all, you will come across cowboy wisdom-isms…usually on a t-shirt or some sort of decorative wall plaque or magnet. One of those sayings is “Don’t squat with yer spurs on.” And after last night, I have another. “Don’t sleep in a sleeping bag after you have eaten two bowls of broccoli soup.” Please trust me on this. You do NOT wanna do this to yourself or to the ones you love.
Let’s chat about more pleasant things, though. Though this season is fairly blah in the garden and outdoors, there are still beautiful things around. One of the best things is firewood, and a heck of a lot of it. We brought up a lot for this storm and put it on the porch. Side note: Jason and I made grapevine wreaths and swags this spring, and then I gathered the yarrow you see here and made this wreath. You can’t tell, but it’s painted a deep gold with some gold glitter.
Purty Thangs:
So what grows in the garden in early January? Well, a lot, actually. Here is some Waltham broccoli (transgressor!!!). I won’t be planting it again. Not due to its effects, but because it didn’t form very good heads. I’ll go back to Packman if I can find it.
In this bed, which my daughter grew, we have Japanese red giant mustard greens, curled kale, snow peas, Dutch cabbage and Swiss chard.
Here’s one I haven’t tried yet: savoy cabbage. If it survives this stint in the deep freeze, I can’t wait to try it!
Here’s a closer look at that red mustard! It’s so pretty in the garden.
Next are some Asian greens that have just decided to replant themselves. I think it’s Chijimasai greens from Baker Creek, but they could be hybridized by now. Either way, they are delicious and laugh off the cold weather.
Last peppers of the season! It was a terrible drought year in ’23, so I wasn’t surprised that the peppers kinda sucked for fall/winter. Usually I get TONS in November and early December. Oh well. I am excited about the persimmons, too. They are delicious and seedless! Hachiya…that’s the variety.
Last of all was a view from today at our local lake. Anyone fancy a Polar Plunge?
Now, dear readers, it’s time for me to feed the fire and finish up dinner. One item which will definitely NOT be on the menu tonight is what I’m now dubbing “Toot Soup”. It was an experimental concoction that I dare not repeat.
I’m hoping that you all are staying warm, friends!
My Little Country 